Monday, April 12, 2010
Returned to Sender
I've been reading up on the Tennessee woman who adopted a child from Russian and then after a few months sent him back. I'm having a hard time understand why anyone would think that this was acceptable behavior.
Fury as U.S. woman adopts Russian boy, 7, then sends him back alone with note saying: 'I don't want him anymore'
Tenn. Mom Sends Adopted Son Back To Russia
Adoption Freeze Urged After Boy, 7, Returned With Letter
Torry Hansen, 33 claims, in the letter that she sent with the boy and through her mother in the media, that the child has mental health issues that she was not made aware of and was not prepared to deal with. News flash lady, and anyone else who thinks they can return-to-sender a child, the same thing is true of biological children. Despite an unrealistic wish for perfect children no one under any circumstances is guaranteed a perfect worry free problem free child. When biological parents do something like this it is called abandonment. When you adopt a child you assume the same rights and responsibilities as a biological parent.
I have met parents who have children (biological, adopted, foster, you name it) with severe mental and emotional issues. Do you know what they do? They go through the trouble to get help from medical and mental health professionals. They join support groups to help them deal with the challenge. They educate themselves about the issues their children have to deal with. They think carefully about the best way to help their children. They continue to love their children no matter how difficult, scary, or inconvenient their behavior becomes. While some in a moment of weakness may shed a tear or two, or a torrent, and wish that it was not so they let the moment pass and get back to the business of being parents. These parents endure for years. This woman couldn't hack it for seven months?
Hansen's claim that Russian officials lied to her about her child's condition in no way absolves her of her parental responsibilities. The duplicity of Russian officials (which I will not dispute because their track record speaks for itself) does not absolve any adoptive parent of their parental responsibilities.
Thanks to this woman's actions Russian officials are rattling their sabres threatening to stop all adoptions of Russian children by Americans. Now families who were prepared to face the challenges that come with parenting may not get an opportunity to love and cherish a child who dearly needs someone in their life to do just that. Thanks to this woman's actions children who had hope for a better life with loving parents now have an uncertain future of continued existence in orphanages.
Perhaps the best that can come from this is that people realize that parenting, however a parent comes by their children, is a great responsibility and not for the weak. You don't do it for fun. You don't do it because you want a couple of cute kids. You don't do it so you can parade your perfect little kiddies before the world. You do it because you are ready to commit your life to the selfless care of another individual whether that individual appreciates it or not. This little boy certainly won't be helped by having to live every adopted child's nightmare, being sent away by your new family.